5th April, 2017 – 2:34am

my old thoughts are starting to return again
where days turn to nights yet it’s all the same
where my words express how I really think
yet covered around people with a smile and a blink
where nihilism is suddenly appealing
and nothing exists or matters but the ceiling
where life is just a cycle living for others
decisions based on friends, family, even acquaintances
it’s a lonely life, thinking nothing but despair
the back up of happiness waiting, if I decide to care

-unknown, unfinished-

sometimes I wonder, is this all for nothing?
will my words ever mean something?
will my words impact a mind?
open up vaults, and release the inner kind?
will meaning be attached and memories made?
starting special things and foundations laid?
will my words be imprinted in memories?
quoted amongst friends and enemies?
and as I write I think,
opening up my soul to the very brink,
‘does recognition mean my worth?’
the numbers on the screen tumble down to earth

 

*unfinished, and to be left as so*

-unknown-

once something is shattered it will not be replaced
that crumbled piece of paper will never be smooth again
your soul, once crushed, is gone
they say scars eventually heal and make you strong
but another mark on your body does not belong
the glass is shattered, it’s gone forever, not replaceable
just broken and lost
that’s your soul. it’s gone.
it’s gone.
those lines on your wrist don’t make you strong
just a reminder of all the crap that’s going on
and assurance that you still belong
in this world of living where you are not alive
your mind is dead and your life keeps going on, no evidence except for the pain which reminds you dear, you are afraid
and i know you are, yes we all are
but it flares up in you
the embers glow and the wind it blows and starts a fire within your heart once again
the water doesn’t put it out
but the pain is joy as you are alive
and the hurt is feeling like you always have
and losing yourself in a world beyond, out the window,
daydreaming of a place with nothing to fear
just lose yourself and you’ll never be there
just your deceptive thoughts and the wishes they bring
have you ever seen a wish come true my friend?
they aren’t real like those shooting stars, so be gone with them
as your life
stops.

15th June, 2015 – 12:12am

I wonder what it’s like to die
as your last breath shatters the room
did you feel the pain, did you drift away
like a carnival child’s balloon?

was it your destiny for us
to be crying and screaming at the sky
as your body laid limp in her arms
as I told my brother you’d died?

and the flowers surround the house
wilting away in our pain
for the sky is turning black
as I declare myself perfectly sane.