Friendship

5th April, 2017 – 2:34am

my old thoughts are starting to return again
where days turn to nights yet it’s all the same
where my words express how I really think
yet covered around people with a smile and a blink
where nihilism is suddenly appealing
and nothing exists or matters but the ceiling
where life is just a cycle living for others
decisions based on friends, family, even acquaintances
it’s a lonely life, thinking nothing but despair
the back up of happiness waiting, if I decide to care

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18th December, 2016 – 5:44pm

It hurts me to put this polaroid away
The captured memory of a happy day
But the weather is now bleak and so are our hearts
Misplaced the sisterhood we swore would never break apart
The hope I possess is fading into white
Where everything looks the same, alone and bright
Bright beams of light reflect all of my mistakes
The goodness in myself the light is there to take
And at the end of the day all I can see
Is the smallest amount of worth glaring back at me
The worth I trashed with my actions and words
The worth I worked hard to find, both mine and yours
Now all of it is empty, filled with regrets
Of the way I acted and my ever growing debt
So I slot the polaroid into a book that nobody has seen
Hoping to be reminded of what we shared and where we have been
The places of happiness, the joy, and the tears
And the way that you helped me conquer my fears
Remembering how special you were to me
Now a misplaced friendship, lost out at sea